


Sweet treats

by FreeShavocadoo



Category: HiGH&LOW (Movies), HiGH&LOW: the Story of S.W.O.R.D. (TV)
Genre: Multi, utter fluff and stupidity, yep that's a lot of tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 23:26:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15873861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreeShavocadoo/pseuds/FreeShavocadoo
Summary: The Funk Jungle has recently acquired vending machines. Naturally, chaos ensues.(Based on a post @norihisahyuga made on Tumblr for an alignment chart regarding vending machines)





	Sweet treats

Really, in retrospect, Ice probably should’ve known better.

It’d seemed like a brilliant idea at first, everyone he’d asked had said it was reasonable and doable, even going so far as to say it was Ice’s best idea yet. Lee had been all too fast to oblige, always content to throw around his money to make everyone else happy. He’d even asked Ryu his opinion and Ryu had told him that whatever Ice wanted to do would no doubt be fine with everyone else and if that was truly what he wanted, then he should just go ahead. Bernie had gotten excitable and said it was the best thing to happen to the Funk Jungle. Perhaps that alone should’ve told Ice this would end in disaster, but he was the eternal optimist after all.

Maybe if he wasn’t such an optimist he wouldn’t currently have his arm stuck in a vending machine.

It had started off well enough, getting the vending machines in the Funk Jungle. There were now several located around the general premises both inside and outside with a combination of drinks and snacks that suited the variety of tastes everyone had. It’d been going great for weeks, Ice found himself perhaps indulging his sweet tooth too frequently, but it was hard to walk past the vending machine when he had an urge for sugar without just using the spare change he inevitably had jingling in his pockets to get himself a small treat. This morning, though, the world had other plans. He’d only wanted a small bar of chocolate and was waiting in anticipation for it to drop down the way it usually would (maybe he’s a small child at heart) until everything started to go wrong. He should’ve known better but seeing the chocolate bar half dislodged from its position convinced him, albeit wrongly, that it would be easy to get out.

And here he is with his arm stuck halfway up the vending machine, like a compete moron, when it goes from bad to worse.

By the time he’s shimmied his arm out of the slot he’s suitably peeved but not completely pissed, even if his arm aches from the few minutes it spent stuck up a vending machine slot. Ice, though, was never a quitter. He stares thoughtfully through the glass contemplating a way to dislodge the chocolate bar before deciding the next most logical step is to shake it. After all, they aren’t the fancy machines that have anti-shake technology, so there’s a fair chance it could work and he’s not leaving until he gets his chocolate. So he grabs either side of the machine and begins to shake it, though it does little at first. Deciding he needs to put his weights training to good use, Ice ups the force with which he’s shaking the machine a little more, trying back and forth motions and even side to side. Like the machine is taunting him, a small bag of chocolate-coated sunflower seeds drops down to be picked up out of the slot.

 _The nerve._ Ice thinks, irrationally angry by this point. _Who the fuck eats sunflower seeds?_

Before he can even contemplate a rational choice, he decides he’s been patient enough and kicks the vending machine with reckless abandon, only getting angrier when he sees that nothing is coming from it. The punch is the final straw, shaking the vending machine dangerously enough to make Ice realise that perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to punch the vending machine backwards when it could swing forward and crush him.

To top it all off, he sees the reflection of two very unimpressed faces in the vending machine glass and almost dies of embarrassment.

“What…. are you doing?” Sarah asks, her eyes widened in disbelief, as though she’d tricked herself into assuming Ice wasn’t capable of such a display of stupidity. Ice supposes that should be considered a positive, that she thinks he isn’t a complete idiot. Even if he is here with bruised knuckles and a bruised ego proving her completely wrong.

“You’re a complete moron.” Ryu says, their eyes narrowed and their eyebrow raised. “I knew this would happen.”

“Sarah, _help me_.” Ice whines, not meaning to sound half as pathetic as he did. It was like the entire universe was laughing at him.

Sarah considers him for a moment, looking him up and down with scathing eyes before they soften. Walking over, she kisses Ice’s knuckles, shaking her head and laughing quietly before giving the machine a hard whack on the side in a rather concentrated spot, the chocolate dropping down the slot along with the _sunflower seeds._

“No need to be so whiny.” Sarah whispers in Ice’s ear, though she smiles and Ice knows that she’ll keep the teasing to a minimum for his sake.

Ryu walks over, leaning down to fish out the chocolate bar and chocolate-coated sunflower seeds and to Ice’s horror, hands him the chocolate before opening the bag of sunflower seeds and eating a handful.

“What?” They say, their mouth still full of sunflower seeds even though their eyes are questioning, Ice staring in utter horror. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Sorry.” Ice replies, deciding to keep his opinion to himself. It’s not as if anyone’s going to take him seriously for the next ten years after hearing this story, anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

It happens in an instant but Mocai knows it’s over as soon as it does, wondering why bad things happen to mediocre people.

It’d been a long day and even longer night, everyone had been busy all day and when the evening was finally winding down on one of the few nights the Funk Jungle was closed he’d decided it was the perfect time for some sugar. His life was about to be ruined over a bag of skittles. It was only fitting really, that he’d dragged himself out of his bed and traipsed downstairs half clothed for something as menial as skittles, when usually he’d have just rolled over and had a nap. _This,_ Mocai thinks, _this is what I get for going against habit and routine._ Really, he knew far better than to try this on a regular day but it was one o’clock in the morning and he was suitably groggy, only wanting a brief sugar rush. Now, he instead has cramp in his arm from having it crammed up a vending machine slot.

“Mocai, what the _fuck_.” Nakamon’s voice is incredulous and when Mocai turns his head, Nakamon’s face is exactly how he’d imagined it. Scowling.

“Will you stop standing there and fucking help me?” Mocai whines, perhaps a little too pitifully since Nakamon’s eyes are now no longer narrowed and he rushes over, kneeling down beside Mocai.

“You’re a moron.” Nakamon huffs, managing to dislodge Mocai’s arm from the vending machine without hurting him further, rubbing his shoulder sympathetically when his arm was fully out. Mocai sighs softly, leaning against Nakamon and letting out a high-pitched whine, burying his head into Nakamon’s neck. After spending at least ten minutes with his arm in a vending machine when he didn’t have a top on in the middle of the night, Nakamon’s body heat is unbelievably comforting.

“I’ll get it for you.” Nakamon manoeuvres his sweater onto Mocai by pulling it over his head, even moving Mocai’s arms into it. Thankfully Mocai doesn’t feel too guilty as Nakamon is wearing a vest underneath.

Nakamon stands in front of the vending machine as though he has a personal grudge with it now by default for daring to injure Mocai, regardless of how Mocai was the one who’d stupidly put his arm in the slot in the first place. Before Mocai can ask how he plans to get the skittles out, Nakamon takes one step forward and kicks the vending machine with starting speed, looking smug and triumphant when his sudden display of barbarity pays off and the skittles drop. He picks them up, handing them over to Mocai with a small grin and Mocai can’t help but smile back.

They really were a pair of idiots. Though, as far as idiots went, he could’ve done much worse.

 

* * *

 

 

For as long as Dixie can remember, she’s loved fizzy drinks. Her mother used to react furiously to her coming home with armfuls of absurd carbonated drinks, wanting to try out every flavour there was for no real reason other than curiosity. It didn’t matter that there were plenty of healthy alternatives, Dixie just loved to have fizzy drinks and it was something she tried to keep on the down low considering it took daily monitoring to ensure Diddy was eating actual meals most days, instead of endless snacks. Perhaps this is why they were meant for each other. Diddy had an addiction to fast food and unhealthy snacks and Dixie loves drinks packed with an ungodly amount of sugar.

Perhaps she’d be enjoying one right now if the vending machine wasn’t being so unreliable.

She’d only wanted to get a drink before she got to work on tidying the kitchen, always appreciating the small kick she’d get from the sugar in the drinks whilst she was cleaning up, especially considering it was hardly a small task with so many messy men around. It was no different from what she’d usually do when she intended to take on a task, to get something to drink and then get her head down and get to work. But it seemed the vending machine had other plans as she stared longingly at the bottle that was half tipped from its position, not far forward enough to drop nor far back enough to not be a complete tease.

She didn’t have a temper but she was debating swearing loudly at the vending machine. However, as per usual, her good conscience took over and she walked up the stairs to find Diddy, trusting he may have a method for fixing her current predicament. After all, Diddy was hardly one to judge her inclinations and he was always miraculously handy with situations like this and Dixie could just use the moral support.

“Babe?” She whispers, leaning over a very comfortable and very fast-asleep Diddy, his mouth agape and loud snores filling the room. “Babe.”

“Hmm?” He lifts his head up sleepily, looking around in confusion before he spots Dixie, a goofy but completely endearing grin on his face. “’Wassup?”

“My drink got stuck in the vending machine.” Dixie replies, huffing a little. “I was wondering if you could help.”

“’course I can,” Diddy grins cockily, standing up in a crumpled outfit he’d fallen asleep in from last night, “anything for you.”

He follows her down the stairs, yawning sporadically but still keeping up with her fast walking pace until they’re both standing in front of the vending machine. Instead of laughing like anyone else would at her misfortune, he takes in the scene and nods to himself.

“Step back just a ‘sec, Dixie.” He says, stretching languidly. She does as he says, taking a few steps back and wondering what exactly is about to happen.

Diddy takes both sides of the vending machine in his hands, taking a deep breath before shaking it violently side to side, continuing for an entire thirty seconds before the drink thuds to the bottom of the vending machine. He stops and turns around with a charming smile on his face, flexing and peacocking.

“My beautiful, strong man!” Dixie swoons, wrapping her arms around his waist after he’s picked up her drink. He kisses her on the head, smiling at her.

“Anything for you.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m telling you, I can get it!” Brown growls, jamming his hand up the vending machine slot with vigour, tongue out in concentration.

“Doesn’t look like you can, babe.” Jesse replies, shaking his head with a smirk. He does nothing to help Brown, adamant that the only way he’ll learn is by trial and error. Brown rarely learned anything from being told, always certain that his way was the best way. If this was what Jesse had to do to teach him a lesson, so be it. He can’t be the one held responsible when Brown’s arm has to be amputated.

“Fuck this!” Brown yells, swearing under his breath as he manages to pull his arm out of the vending machine slot, looking more pissed off by the second.

He stands back to stare at the vending machine as though he’s daring it to continue fucking with him, his hair suitably mussed and his cheeks slightly pink from the exertion. Jesse finds it kind of endearing until Brown starts yelling and shaking the vending machine with such force Jesse’s surprised the entire thing hasn’t fallen on him, Brown’s miserable cries of displeasure drowning out the banging of the machine as it’s shaken violently.

“I. want. my. _snacks_!” His words punctuate each shake of the vending machine side to side until he finally runs out of breath and energy, letting the vending machine drop back into its original position and letting out a choked sob. “This isn’t _fair_!”

With his last word he kicks the vending machine half-heartedly, barely even shaking it in the process. Pho seems to materialise out of nowhere, looking concerned and wrapping an arm around Brown’s waist, holding him close.

“Shhh,” he soothes, “calm down for a second.”

Brown relaxes into the touch, leaning backwards into Pho’s chest and sighing heavily. Pho strokes his hair calmly, kissing the top of his head and staring at Jesse with pleading eyes. It’s clear, Jesse thinks, what Pho wants him to do. Be the hero, of course. It’s a roll Jesse’s sure he can fill adequately especially considering his eager audience. Stepping backwards he grins, breaking out into a run and jump-kicking the vending machine. Though Jesse’s eyes narrow for a split second when nothing happens, the candy eventually drops with a thud and before either of them can say anything, Brown is on his knees picking the bag out of the vending machine.

“Piece of shit!” He grumbles, standing up and pouting. “I told you I could’ve done it.”

“Yeah, I’m su-,” Jesse starts before he’s cut off by Pho.

“Why should you have to do it if we’re here for you?” He says, eyes twinkling. Brown visibly swoons, wrapping both of his arms around Pho’s one arm and staring adoringly. Jesse takes Pho’s free hand, swinging it as they walk up the stairs, content with the fact Brown will probably have his hand stuck in the vending machine this time tomorrow regardless of today’s events.

He wouldn’t have it any other way. That was just how Brown was.

 

* * *

 

It was common knowledge around the Funk Jungle that Pearl and Bernie were inseparable. Wherever one was, the other was sure to be following, practically joined at the hip. In the distance at any given time one could probably hear them both rapping and singing to each other, humming obnoxiously. They even finished off each other’s sentences, much to everyone’s embarrassment. It was to this end they both find themselves for the first time being on their knees and not enjoying it.

“This _hurts_.” Bernie whines, so close that Pearl can feel him wiggling around underneath him.

“It’s okay, babe, just lemme readjust.” Pearl replies, Bernie sighing with relief as Pearl does readjust.

Now he’s leaning over Bernie with only one hand stuck in the vending machine slot instead of two, the same as Bernie.

“We didn’t really think this through, did we?” Bernie muses, staring thoughtfully back at Pearl who just grins dorkily. “Ryu-san would be ashamed of us if he could see us now.”

“Ryu’s ashamed of us most of the time, I’m not gonna take that personally, Bern’.” Pearl shimmies his hand and lets out a victorious _whoop_ when he frees it, flexing his fingers to get the feeling back in them after his circulation was all but cut off. Who’d have thought he’d ever be uncomfortable leaning over Bernie’s back from behind?

“ _Pearl_ ,” Bernie seethes, “aren’t you going to help _me_?”

“Oh, yeah,” Pearl scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, leaning down and coercing Bernie’s hand out of the vending machine slot slowly, massaging his wrist once it was out. Bernie relaxes into the touch, mewling a little when Pearl rubs a particular spot on his wrist that must be tender. “You good?”

“Better now.” Bernie grins shyly, leaning forward to kiss Pearl, arms snaking around his neck sneakily. Pearl meets him halfway, ending up on top of Bernie who’s now lay flat on his back in front of the vending machine, kissing him enthusiastically. Pearl already has a reputation for being someone who will get up to these kinds of shenanigans no matter where he is when he’s in _that_ kind of mood, anyway.

“Is this usually the way you all queue up in front of the vending machine?”

Pearl looks up at the face of a very bemused Lee who simply watches him, an eyebrow raised with a smirk spreading across his face.

“Lee-san!” Bernie stands up, pulling Pearl to his feet. “Could you get my chocolate out of the vending machine for me please?”

Bernie is wearing his most winning smile, all sickly sweet and cute. Pearl, now standing with a dead hand due to lack of circulation and more than a bit of horniness at the prior feeling of Bernie underneath him, all quashed by Lee’s knowing grin. It only worsens when he nods at Bernie, kissing his cheek with a devious smirk only to head to the vending machine, snake his arm up in exactly the right spot and grab the chocolate. To top it off, Bernie looks at him like he’s the saviour of the new world.

“Thank you, Lee-san!” Bernie takes the chocolate from him, kissing him fully on the mouth only to grab Pearls hand and pull him in the opposite direction. Bernie wastes little time, already half stripping off between bites of chocolate, manhandling Pearl all the way to their room.

Maybe it gave Pearl a bit of satisfaction to see Lee’s crestfallen face as he was dragged off.

Okay, maybe it gave him a _lot_ of satisfaction.

 

* * *

 

 

“What are they doing?” Diddy asks Ice, staring curiously in the distance where Akune and Miou were, a confused frown on his face.

“What they always do.” Ice shakes his head, snickering softly under his breath as he stares at them too, his eyes crinkled in amusement.

Akune stands on one side of the vending machine and Miou on the other, both pushing it back and forth to each other with such ease and synchronisation that it couldn’t be clearer they’d done it plenty of times before. This is only proven when they switch sides at exactly the right moment to push harder, Akune bearing the side with more weight as Miou gives it one last push. To everyone’s surprise, multiple bags and bars of candy and chocolate fall down as the vending machine returns to its original position, Miou grasping handfuls of the stuff and scooping it into Akune’s pockets as though it was a trained heist. When he’s got the last of it out and into Akune’s pockets, he kisses the tip of Akune’s nose as they walk off back to their room, Akune’s pockets bulging with sweets.

“Those fucking assholes!” Brown exclaims, though Pho laughs. “ _They’re_ the ones who broke it in the first place aren’t they?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all enjoy!


End file.
